Ex-Marine Kills 300-Pound Bear With Log


Beast Killer: Chris Everhart

Beast Killed: Bear

Weapon of Choice: Log

Good Morning America reports on ex-marine Chris Everhart, father of three beautiful sons, who saved his family from the wrath of an attacking 300-pound bear.

“From out of nowhere we heard this loud crash,” Everhart said on “Good Morning America.” “For a second, I didn’t know what it was, but I realized it was a bear. I went to the back of the Jeep to get my pots and pans to scare the bear off.”

In an attempt to distract the bear, young sons Logan and Kyle pummeled the carnivorous mammal with rocks. However, their tiny meat paws and softball hurls only angered the bear even more as it attacked the boys. Hastened with time and quick on the draw, Chris grabbed the closest thing to him, a log, and threw it at the bear’s head, striking and killing him.

We here at FmF salute you, Chris Everhart: Lt. Badass of the Kill Brigade. You have chalked up a win for humanity and continued our elite legacy over the beast. May the Gods smile upon you, and make sure to lathe that log into a baseball bat. It still has more good to offer this world.


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