Ex-Marine Kills 300-Pound Bear With Log

abc_gma_killsbear_edit_070622_mn

Beast Killer: Chris Everhart

Beast Killed: Bear

Weapon of Choice: Log


Good Morning America reports on ex-marine Chris Everhart, father of three beautiful sons, who saved his family from the wrath of an attacking 300-pound bear.

“From out of nowhere we heard this loud crash,” Everhart said on “Good Morning America.” “For a second, I didn’t know what it was, but I realized it was a bear. I went to the back of the Jeep to get my pots and pans to scare the bear off.”

In an attempt to distract the bear, young sons Logan and Kyle pummeled the carnivorous mammal with rocks. However, their tiny meat paws and softball hurls only angered the bear even more as it attacked the boys. Hastened with time and quick on the draw, Chris grabbed the closest thing to him, a log, and threw it at the bear’s head, striking and killing him.

We here at FmF salute you, Chris Everhart: Lt. Badass of the Kill Brigade. You have chalked up a win for humanity and continued our elite legacy over the beast. May the Gods smile upon you, and make sure to lathe that log into a baseball bat. It still has more good to offer this world.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: